The unexpected grief things
I expected pain + sadness but here are 8 things that surprised me.
1. Essence
It would challenge the very core of who I was
I’d have to give a lot of time + patience for remembering + rediscovery
2. Trust + Faith
It would rupture the unwavering trust + faith I had in the universal flow
I would, surpsingly, have to dig deep for this one, still digging
3. Energy
It would be exhausting
It would make even things I love doing, like the allotment, feel like a chore. I still have to be gentle with my energy
4. Sound
I would understand sighing on a whole new level
“Ugh” + “huff” are now solid words in my vocabulary. They serve a purpose.
5. Fears + Doubts
It would highlight some deep rooted fears + self doubts
This felt all consuming + confusing + is still a work in progress
6. Sleep
It would steal my sleep, despite sleep aids
It would be 4 weeks of time dedicated to the ‘dieta’ that would reconfigure my sleep
7. Anxiety
the disbelief and shock would creep its way into my body + into my day to day
I would have to work hard to get some ease back in my mind + body, as my mind would ease, my body would shout
8. Living in the liminal
I would feel like I was existing in a threshold of neither here or there
which at times felt insanely connecting + other times totally disorientating
All of these would give potential
for growth + expansion or shrinking + contraction
to feel my way through both felt of equal importance though I have never been more aware of my choice in where I place my power in these potentials